This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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