Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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