Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
