I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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