You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
