I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
how does that bad decision feel?
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