Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
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I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just shotgunned beers for America
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
i out mim tonsoeep
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