I want to stick my p in your. b.
Yo dont text me then not text me
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
