Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
jump out the window naked night went bad
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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