I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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