I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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