6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
