I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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