You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
