If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
