Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
