three words: i give head
three words: not that well
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
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