do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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