I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
