my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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