i will never coherently bang her
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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