He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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