I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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