i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You may now shotgun with the bride
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
