i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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