please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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