I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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