I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
