we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
