butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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