her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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