There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
