I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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