new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
