Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
