How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
