conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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