try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
