We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
