I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
