Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
