I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
