So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
