Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
