the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
