so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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