So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
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I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
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Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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