Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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