I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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