if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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