my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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