It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
