been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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