Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
