I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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