Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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