I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
