i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
