my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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