just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
