Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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