she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
