He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
