he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
