Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
