Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
