you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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