I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
We're too hungover to prance.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
