i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
