I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
