Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
