I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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