Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Dignity is for republicans.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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