She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
