I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
