do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
