Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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