I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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